Archive for April, 2012

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The Ball That Would Not Bounce

Posted April 30, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Courtesy of Freedigitalphotos.net/digitalart

In my office I have a basketball. It proudly displays the NCAA Championship label. It’s almost brand new. No signs of wear from repeated bouncing or hits against the backboard. This ball is unique. There’s only one small little flaw. It doesn’t bounce. In fact, it won’t even hold air.

I found this ball at the worse possible point in its life (if basketballs have lives… J ). It had been run over, beaten, and left to brave life on its own. It had been torn apart by forces stronger than it was. Of course, I just had to take the ball under my care and help it to see its value. I knew I had the capability to make it into something of worth.

You see, this basketball, along with its football cousin, had fallen out of a vehicle the night before. Both had been squashed by a passing car or truck. Its skin was ripped apart, seemingly beyond repair. I noticed it as I sat in traffic—something I rarely do. I sprang into action, jumped out and rescued the ball. Now it has a new and safe home in my office.

Most people look at it and wonder why I have such a dilapidated and wretched thing. I tell them its value is on the inside rather than its outward appearance. You see, inside this ripped and damaged basketball that will never bounce again is a crisp, new $100 bill. It’s taped to the inner surface. Oh yeah, it has value! I now proudly display my basketball.

What I learned from the ball that would not bounce:

1)   Just because one part of your lives ends, it doesn’t mean you can’t continue living and contributing.

2)   The value is not always on the outside. Most often the true worth lies below the surface. It’s well worth the look!

3)   When a ball loses its bounce, there are still wonderful opportunities out there for them if they are willing to pursue them! My basketball is going to be one of the star performers in my speaking engagements!

4) Never, never, never give up if you become a wounded basketball. Though rough around the edges from being run over, you are still enormously valuable to the world.

You may feel like that basketball. What’s more, you may look like you’ll will never bounce again. Your dreams have been shredded or run over by some powerful life force. But inside, beneath that jagged cover is something of immense value and worth. Rescue yourself from the outward appearance of never amounting to anything, discover a new purpose and create a safe environment in which to grow, you will not be disappointed! In short, never underestimate the power of the Ball That Would Not Bounce!

Answer these questions about your life and circumstance and you will be well on your way to finding your true north. I encourage you to take the time to work through these questions. You’re worth it!

Finding Your Own True North:

1)   In what ways do you feel like the ball that would not bounce?

2)   In those moments, what inner value do you see?

3)   How can you contribute to your world even if you can no longer do what you thought you’d do?

Share your thoughts by leaving a comment.

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Winning Life From Last Place

Posted April 27, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/chrisroll

The New York City Marathon is arguably the second all-time greatest marathons in the world. All the fastest runners compete for the gold medal. Everyone who crosses the finish line gets a finisher’s medal. After all, anyone who can keep putting one foot in front of the other for 26.2 consecutive miles deserves one!

Even the slowest runners/walkers make the trek in six hours or less. Except for New York. That marathon holds the world’s record for the longest time ever: over 33 hours. What’s more, the same person has come in last place in the last 23 NYC marathons. Zoe Koplowitz has crossed the line after everyone else for the last two and a half decades.

Think about it. She has viewed her running life from last place. As a runner, I’d be devastated. But not Zoe. She is determined. Dedicated. Daring. You see, Zoe faces every marathon with Multiple Sclerosis and has to have crutches to get around. Since 1987, every November she steps across the start line early on a Sunday morning, signaling the start of her individual race. Sometime the next day, Zoe crosses the finish line to the applause of those who waited for her to cheer her on to victory.

She doesn’t know what it feels like to break the tape with the fastest time. Nor does she get the encouragement of the other “runners”. They left her in the dust. No, Zoe pushes herself with an intestinal fortitude that propels her to put one crutch in front of foot, then the other crutch and foot for thirty three hours.

Sometimes I feel like Zoe. Perhaps you do, too. You clearly recognize the view from last place. It seems EVERYONE is ahead of you. But, just like Zoe, you take whatever life has dished out to you, use whatever crutches you have, and slowly put one foot in front of the other. It may take you a lot longer to make it across the finish line but so what?!

Only one person gets the winner’s medal. Everyone who finishes the marathon gets a finisher’s medal. It’s not about coming in first. It’s about finishing the race. The view from last place is amazing when you are running the greatest marathon. So slow down, enjoy the scenery and keep moving forward!

As we go into the weekend, why not ponder these questions regarding what you’d like to do with the rest of your life. I would recommend you start a life plan journal. Think on these things:

      1)   What would I really like to spend the second half of my life doing?

      2)   Where am I right now in relation to that goal?

      3)   What do I need to do in order to get there?

 Finally, ask yourself this:

      4)   Am I willing to do what it takes to live my dream? If not, why not?

Share your plan here in the comments section. I’d love to hear your plan.

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The Opportunity of Hope

Posted April 26, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.com/scottchan

Have you ever gone though a dark period in your life wondering where your hope was hiding? It seems like all the forces of evil, darkness, despair and the IRS (no offense Uncle Sam! No matter what Mother Nature says, I don’t think your beard makes you look old at all!) are out to destroy the thread you’re hanging on by. The only reason you’ve not hit rock bottom is because you’ve fallen into the bottomless pit! You’re all alone in a great big world!

And then something changes… little by little…your attitude… You decide you’re going to make the best of your bushels of rotten lemons. So what if it’s storming, you’ll learn to dance in the rain. You pick yourself up by the bootstraps, plaster on your award winning smile—you know, the one that makes people wonder what you’ve been up to. You whistle while you work and are genuinely happy, even in the midst of trials, showing the world you’re full of hope. And you truly are!

 Suddenly, things start happening… I mean, unexpected checks come in the mail. You get that promotion you’ve been dreaming of. You get countless phone calls from friends inviting you to go places. You get that letter from a former student who’s grateful you saved their life!

Ok, ummm… just where were all those things when we were dangling at the end of our thread over the bottomless pit? Well I don’t know, but here’s what I do know. With hope comes opportunity! When we have hope, real hope, things start happening. I don’t know how. I can’t explain it but it happens.

I know you need hope. You’re hoping against hope that something will change in your life. Well, I’m encouraging you and pointing you toward hope. Make your own opportunity. Your dream is that unexpected check…that promotion…those phone calls from friends…

You can create your own OPPORTUNITY OF HOPE! You have the power. It’s within your reach and you’re in control.

So what is disheartening to you right now? What can you do right now to create your own opportunity of hope? What’s your idea? Comment here.

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The Circle of Life

Posted April 25, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Over the weekend I sat on my deck gazing at the beautiful colors of springtime. The Azaleas and white oleanders are in full bloom at my house. The live oaks shed their dark evergreen leaves overnight to make room for the fresh green newness of spring growth. Oh yeah, and there’s the sappy pine pollen….oops… I digress. The holly bush blossoms displayed their enticing aroma that witnessed undeniably of arrival of spring.

Dirt dobblers found their way to the side of my house and began rebuilding their adobe homes they’d abandoned last summer. How’d they remember where to come? Swans and ducks flew overhead on their northern flight back to their homelands. I said farewell to these snow birds, knowing I’d see them again in the fall.

A black racer slithered up to share my deck and to soak in the warm rays of the spring Florida sunshine. It was as though everything suddenly woke up from a long winter’s nap. Squirrels chased each other on the ground and jumped from tree to tree playing “catch me if you can”.

Every direction I looked bore the evidence that winter has given way to a brand new season. I know it won’t last. That is the nature of seasons. Soon enough the grass will lie dormant, the flowers will wilt and the northern fowl will return to their winter watering hole. That’s the circle of life.

 

courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/jannoon028

Just as certain as the circle of life is all around us, your life and career have their own distinct circle. As the current season’s end draws near, you begin to yearn for a new life. Just as I know—and have come to expect—the bees, insects, flowers, blooms and blossoms will return each March in my yard, I also know you have an undeniable, unstoppable cycle in your lives.

I grow tomatoes. They have to be pollinated by the bees. I can’t grow them in winter even though the temperatures would allow it. The bees go away. The pollination ceases. I don’t have tomatoes in the winter. Why? It’s the circle of life.

The second half of your life—and that dream you have inside you– is like tomatoes. It’s hiding somewhere deep within the vine just waiting for some bee to come along and squirt pollen on it. Then it can grow, thrive and eventually be gobbled up by some hungry slice of your own world.

So what’s the buzz about? It’s about YOU. Get out there and keep the circle of life going in your life! Well, why not be a busy bee and buzz around pollinating your dream?!  You deserve it and the world needs it.

So what’s holding YOU back? What is the dream you have inside you? Leave a comment and share it here.

 

 

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Someone Repaved Memory Lane!

Posted April 24, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

I don’t know about you but I like to be nostalgic on occasion. I moved around a lot when I was a kid and find it settling sometimes to revisit old stomping grounds. A couple of years ago I was in Atlanta and headed up to the find the old homesteads. I have an uncanny sense of direction and had no trouble at all locating what should have been my old back yards.

Norcross Elementary School had been torn down and replaced by suburbia. Brookhaven Elementary had long since gone to that red brick school house in the sky. A state-of-the-art recreation center boldly stood in its place. Ok, so it wasn’t all bad!! J The Marta train system shook the ground beneath my feet where I’d once trod as it roared right through what used to be the woods where I’d built forts and tree houses. I was saddened by it all. While I was away, people just barged in and repaved Memory Lane!

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/VictorHabbick

It made me sad. Let the violins play a funeral march while I wipe the tears from my tender young cheeks. It really was disturbing. You know why? My mind’s eye viewed my world and me “the way we were” rather than who we’d come to be. It’s a natural tendency. We like things to remain the same. We resist change. We all see the past as it filters through our memory, not the way it actually was.

What I just described is precisely what prevents many people from living their dream. They try to keep their world intact when in fact, that world no longer exists. Our memories have a way of blocking out all the negative stuff. When that happens, what we remember is pretty much a fairy tale. Sometimes that’s a good thing, but not when you’re planning what you’ll do with yourself for the rest of your life.

Perhaps you are facing the reality that your world has been torn down and you’re standing smack dab in the middle of Interstate Today where Memory Lane has always been. It’s a sad moment for you but there is a way out of that gloom. You can move on to greater things in life.

When I was wandering around all choked up in what used to be my familiar stomping grounds, I saw happy families with children laughing as they enjoyed life. Only then did I realize my memories weren’t an accurate recap of what really happened, but rather an embellished fairy tale with princes and queens. I’d created a memory that was perfect and that made the loss excruciatingly painful. I began focusing on the beauty in the new reality and my heart was lifted. I admitted Memory Lane needed to be repaved and the new reality was actually pretty darn great!

What about your memory lane? Does it need to be repaved to make room for the interstate highway to your successful second half of life? I encourage you call the pavers and get started today!

What in your life needs to be repaved? What’s holding you back? Leave a comment. You’ll feel better.

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Two Heads are better than one!

Posted April 19, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/salvitorevuono

Perhaps you viewed the documentary on the Discovery Channel about conjoined twins. Two sisters particularly caught my attention. Laura and Reba are conjoined at the head. What’s more, their heads and bodies are pointed in opposite directions. One clearly sees where they are going while the other has a rumble seat view of where they’d been.

I watched in awe as these 47 year old twins showed the normal life they live. While they share parts of their brains, Laura and Reba (who now likes to be called George) have very different personalities, tastes in food, clothing, music, and each views their world very differently. One wanted a college education while the other wanted a family. One loves Nascar while the other likes quiet nights at home.

They instantly anger if anyone calls them a medical phenomenon. They’re quick to tell you they don’t face anything in life that sisters who live together don’t face. Reba is paralyzed from the waist down from Spina Bifida. Therefore, Laura does all their walking for them. Reba sits on a specially designed stool next to Laura while she walks and pushes the stool. It really is quite remarkable.

They grocery shop, take public transportation, go to movies, stock car races (Laura faces the bleachers to let Reba watch. Laura reads a book). When asked how they were able to live such a mainstream and normal life, they both quickly respond, “by working together, appreciating the differences in each other and compromising.” Wow! What a visual depiction of how we all should live!

I am grateful I watched that documentary. It reminded me of the concepts we should all live our lives by:

1) As long as you are connected to others, even if you’re facing the wrong direction, you’ll still move forward.

2) None of us can be successful alone. We must be connected to others who love and care about us.

3) Our relationships will flourish if we put the other person’s needs before our own.

4) No matter how bad a situation appears to be—or even how rare the circumstances—it’s entirely possible to live a normal and fulfilling life!

5) As long as there’s a breath of life, there’s hope!

I do not pity Laura and Reba. In fact, I’m envious of them. They possess wisdom beyond their years and a zest for life that is unparalleled. As we journey through life, many times we are Laura and other times Reba. Sometimes if we are to get anywhere, someone has to carry us. Our sights are looking back to all the failure in our past and we need someone to turn us around so we can focus where we’re going rather than where we’ve been.

I learned so much about people and goals and coaching from Laura and Reba. I’m grateful for the privilege of getting to know these two remarkable ladies, if only through the miracle of television.

You may feel you have been paralyzed by life but someone can step in with the energy to push you, changing your life is a way that is permanently attached to your heart and mind. That’s what I do. And I LOVE my job.

What direction do you feel you’re headed in? Share it here. Know someone who is headed in the wrong direction? Forward this blog post to them. Need help getting headed in the right direction? Contact me at reba@magellanlifecoaching.com. 

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The Truth About Living Your Dream

Posted April 17, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.
Freedigitalphotos.net/davidcastillodominici

I talk to people all the time who pine for something they think will completely change their lives. They devour book after book on how to strike it rich or accidently become a millionaire while working three hours a week.  

If that’s you, please step away from the lies. The truth is, just like your current day job, living your dream requires work. You’ll have frustrating days that will make you want to chunk your exciting venture into the brink. That’s reality… or at least part of it. Please read on.  

Life and very challenging days are all part of our journey. They will happen whether we are building our entrepreneurial business, working for “the boss” we can’t stand, or hitting golf balls on the back nine. Life’s not perfect. Stuff happens.  

Those things are going to happen no matter where you are and what you are pursuing. So, since that’s true, why not be about doing what you dream of doing? Here’s the truth about that:  

Life will happen whether you’re pursuing your dream or not. Whether you’re working for “the man”, sitting on the couch eating popcorn and watching that rerun for the twenty-third time, or hiding in the back of your closet, life is still going to happen. You’ll have good days, bad ones, days you’ll want to remember forever and those you’ll want to forget immediately. If it’s going to happen anyway, you should be pursuing your dream.  

At the end of a frustrating day of pursuing your dream, you’re left with exhaustion and fulfillment. If you’re living your dream of being a professional bull rider and you get bucked off, you might be tired and bruised, but you soak in the hot tub knowing you got beat up doing what you love. It’s therapeutic.  

If you don’t, you’ll wish you did. There will come a day if you don’t give everything you have toward living your dream when you will have regret. You’ll look back and remember that dream and how you didn’t pursue it. That moment will be much powerful than all the frustrating days you will spend living your dream.  

There is no doubt that living your dream will be challenging, frustrating and exhausting. But it’s also worth it. I urge you to commit to live the dream inside you. Set it free. You and the world will be glad you did.  

What dreams have you not yet pursued? Share them here. Leave a comment.

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Why Not Do What You’d Love to Do?

Posted April 16, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

 

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/dan

I know there is something inside you that you would do…if things were different. You keep the dream tucked inside you and rationalize that you’ll pull it out, maybe when the kids are grown. Or when things slow down at work and you’re not dead-dog tired when you drag yourself home at the end of the day.

But here’s the sad reality. Days, weeks, months and years slip by while you’re existing through your dull routine when you could be enjoying an abundantly satisfying life. Maybe you want to open your own flower shop. What are you doing about it right now? Or perhaps you want to start your own web based business. Have you researched it yet?

 

Let me ask you something. What is it that you really, truly L.O.V.E. to do? For me, it’s encouraging people to live their dream. What is it for you? I really believe that in order to be truly happy, we need to figure out what really makes us happy and then figure out a way to earn a living at it.

 

Starting a new business or otherwise getting out of the rut is exciting, yet frightening. But it’s also rewarding and provides a sense of fulfillment like nothing else in the world.

That’s why it’s so important for you to pursue it. We only have a few days on this earth so we better be about doing what we love to do.

 

Here are a few things I learned while discovering what I love to do:

The most successful people are the ones who dared to do what they love to do. It’s not the money, or the prestige. Nor is it the gold watch at the end of twenty-five agonizing years. It’s definitely not in doing things the way everyone else does it. It’s all about finding what you love to do and figuring out a way to earn a living at it.

Passion is the force that drives us to be comfortable being uncomfortable. Every step I’ve taken was uncomfortable. I’ve learned to expect it. Embrace it. The passion stretches me to do more than I could ever do without it.

There is a way to earn a living doing what you love. One person I coached has a passion for making sure children are placed with loving adoptive parents so they started their own adoption agency. Another person I coached loved recycling children’s clothes and making them available to needy families. She started a consignment shop for children’s clothes.

Take time today to sit down and write out what you really want to do with your life. Let it flow unrestricted onto the paper. Allow yourself to dream without limits. There will be plenty of time to corral that dream later but for now, just do it.

What do you dream of doing? What do you fear most about it so much, it’s holding you back? Leave a comment and share your own journey.

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Change is Good; You Go First!

Posted April 13, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

I’m one of those strange individuals who enjoys change, most likely because I am very easily bored. I quickly tire of one thing and am eager to move on to the next great adventure.

That being said, I’m not always comfortable with the process of transitioning from one thing to the other. In fact, I’ve never met a person who absolutely loves the process of change. That’s why most people resist it. It’s unknown, frightening and potentially painful.

There is risk involved with change. You could fail. In fact, you most likely will fail. Change is also very hard work. That’s why most people resist it even if they know it will have a positive result for them personally.

Here are a few things you can do that will help you conquer that big “C” in your life:

C: Commit- If you commit to making the change no matter how frightening it becomes, you will be able to embrace it and move well beyond it.

H: Help- No law says you have to walk the road of change all by your lonesome. Seek out the advice of those who have taken the journey before you. If you’re afraid, tell someone and let them help you through it.

A: Aim- Figure out exactly where it is you’re trying to get to and lock your dream sights on that.

N: Navigate- It really is as simple as regularly checking to see where you are right now in relation to where you’re trying to get to and adjust your direction. The more often you check your heading, the smaller course corrections you’ll have to make.

G: Goal- Set small attainable goals along the way. If you think of running all 26.2 miles of a marathon, it’s overwhelming. But if you set a goal to run two blocks and, when you reach the corner set a new goal, those small accomplishments will not only get you through to the finish line, but you will have a string of victories to show for it.

E: Exceed- Determine you will go well beyond what is needed to effectively change and aim for that. If you do, the change itself will become only a port of call along the route of your journey.

There are some times when change is not good but most of the time, it really is good. Change can be your friend. It can be exciting, challenging and put zing into your life. So why not embrace it!

Are you facing change? Leave a comment and tell us about it.

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I Failed, and I’m Darn Proud of it!

Posted April 10, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/phaitoon

Many years ago I was beginning to get restless, if not disgruntled, with my day job. It had lost its luster and quite frankly, I hated to go to work every day. I knew I wanted to do something entrepreneurial but I wasn’t sure what it would be.

So I went to the place that contains all the knowledge anyone would ever need: Barnes and Noble. For days and weeks I plundered the stacks for the dream business that would make me wealthy, and on my terms.

Two books caught my attention. Both of them told me I could make ridiculously high income writing copy for, well, anyone who needed words written. I hit pay dirt! I like to write. I like to have money. People need things written. Perfect opportunity!

I followed every step they suggested. I got my business cards and brochures. I made a portfolio for my samples… both of them. I was ready to launch my home based copywriting business.

I worked in the evenings at my day, uhh, night job so my mornings were spent cold calling to round up business. I landed a gig writing for a web-based information exchange. Today we call those blogs. The pay was low. Ok, I did it for free but at least I was getting my name and words out there.  I was okay with them wanting me to write in a certain voice. Or was I?

Days and weeks passed. I got my name out there. I got my first paycheck and, because it was only $15.00, I did spend it all in one place. I suddenly realized I was now working two full time jobs I hated.

When I got brutally honest with myself, I did not enjoy writing for other people. I didn’t like to write in their voice. I prefer my own. I didn’t like when they got the glory. I didn’t like it when they told me they didn’t like it and wanted me to write their copy in crappy way.

Basically, I failed at being a copywriter. The day I took down my shingle was one of the happiest days of my life. I felt like I’d just been rescued from the Titanic. Why? Because I was doing something that was so totally NOT me.

Today, as I look back on my weeks as a professional copywriter, I am very glad I failed. I’m not locked into earning a living doing something I despise. It also taught me some very valuable lessons I still apply to my life today:

All that glitters is not gold. Just because something is a great profession does NOT mean you will enjoy it or be good at it.

You must find your own way. The two authors whose books I read, Kelly James-Enger and Peter Bowerman, are tops in the field of freelance copywriting. Everything they said in their books is spot on, rock solid information. I highly recommend both if you want to pursue a career as a copywriter. I did not get bad advice from either one of them. I eventually learned that copywriting was not for me and headed in a different direction.

Authenticity Guides you in the right direction. I probably could have gotten a lot of business if I had been authentically excited about what I was doing. Because I wasn’t, it showed up. I either had to put on a façade, or I was so miserable, I wouldn’t have hired me either. You must be yourself. Show up authentic. Not be shaped or molded into someone you’re not.

I am so grateful for my journey through my valley of copywriting. I learned so much about entrepreneurship, and about myself. I will treasure that failure for as long as I live.

What about you? What are some of your failures and what golden nuggets did you pick up along that journey? Leave a comment. I dare you. 

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