Archive for May, 2012

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Change Your Mind, Change Your Life

Posted May 31, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Freedigitalphotos.com/ Stuart Miles

We tease each other all the time about losing our minds and I’m sure that some days you really feel as though you will. But the truth is that is the one thing you have total control over.

I know it doesn’t seem that way when your boss is yelling at you or the company is downsizing. Or if you are a writer and the voices inside your head are not those of your characters. But it’s absolutely true that you are in total control over your mind, your thoughts and your attitude.

Since you are a creature of habit, you form an automatic response to things that happen in your life rather than assessing each event on its own set of circumstances. You condition your emotions to react a certain way when things happen to you. After a while, you become a victim, not of the circumstances but your own reactions.

Ever wonder why the same thing can happen to everyone in your neighborhood, department at work or family and some people seem to take it all in stride while it destroys others? It’s attitude pure and simple.

You may not even realize you’re doing it. That’s why I’m writing this. You can overcome it and retrain your mind to react in a way to life events that will be more helpful to you. Follow these training steps and see if you don’t notice a change.

1) Stop, drop and roll. Ok, maybe not the drop and roll part but I wanted to get your attention. When an even happens in your life, the very first thing you need to do is, well, nothing. STOP. Give your mind time to process it. If we don’t make a conscious effort to do that, our mind will go into auto pilot and react the way it always does. In most cases that’s not positive.

2) Interrupt the conversation. Remember, your mind has already started reacting automatically. You must interject that this event is NOT the same event of the past. Sure, it could be similar. That’s why you feel déjà vu. But it is different. Unique to this particular moment.

3) Get the goodie out. Even the most challenging moments have something you can gain from. There is wisdom to be gleaned and lessons to be learned. Focus on those things and determine that you are going to take advantage of the situation.

4) Remember who you are. If someone is questioning your ability or performance, perhaps there are things you can do to improve. But, your integrity, character and personality are intact. Rest in that.

These are steps to developing the skill of reacting… changing your mind to work for you rather than against you. Believe me, when you change your mind, it will change your life and that’s a beautiful thing!

Today’s Challenge: Identify those statements you tell yourself when you’re being challenged and write them down, along with the truth about those things.

Have you recently changed your way of thinking about something challenging? Leave a comment. 

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The Four Main Reasons People Don’t Dare to Dream

Posted May 30, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Freedigitalphotos.net/ chanpipat

People ask me frequently why I felt the need to write Dare to Dream, A Writer’s Journal. The answer is simple. I meet so many people who have a dream but are afraid to live it. Somehow, some way, they’ve convinced themselves they shouldn’t pursue it. That thought is utterly depressing for me for two reasons:

1) Your dream is too important to remain unlived. You deserve to pursue your dream.

2) You’re not in a dress rehearsal. This is your one shot at life. Once it’s gone, it’s gone.

I’ve dedicated my life to helping others move from dreaming to doing. As I research why some make it and some don’t, there are four primary reasons that appear to be most common.

1) Not believing in themselves. This is the most prevalent reason. It seems there are many people who doubt their own ability. They live each day with their own brilliance, and yet they believe something different.

2) Peer pressure. This is normally the result of the first reason, not believing themselves. They share their dream with their friends and colleagues, only to be told it’s not worth living. Rather than following their heart, many people follow their peers.

3) Fear of Failing. Our society is partly responsible to for this one. You attempt something and you don’t succeed and the real failure is that you fail to appreciate the wisdom that is imbedded in that fail. You conclude it’s a negative and painful thing and you are wired to avoid pain.

4) Fear of Commitment. Once they put a dream, goal, plan or intent out there, eyes are on them to perform and to succeed. It’s a pressure cooker, especially if things aren’t going as well as you’d hoped. And, when you begin to lose ground, it’s excruciating. You conclude that, if you don’t commit, you won’t suffer the pain of failing on stage.

Here’s the challenge with giving in to any of those reasons. Not living your dream will leave you empty, disappointed and unfulfilled. You’ll feel lost, wandering in a ship without a sail in the sea of life.

Because your dream is your true north, it will serve as your guide, your beacon in the storm. It will give you the courage to endure the pain and gale force winds of adversity. You’ll be able to tack into the wind and set sail for new horizons. And, there is no greater feeling than to be living your dream.

Today’s challenge:Review the four reasons above and determine whether your forward progress has been halted by one of them. Write down the reason(s), as well has how your thinking was incorrect.

Do you have a dream you’re sitting on? Share it here. I dare you.

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Three Reasons Why Failing is Good

Posted May 29, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Freedigitalphotos.net/ Stuart Miles

I know what you’re thinking. Reebs has finally gone off the deep end. She’s finally lived up to her reputation of being totally crazy. Well, though my reputation does accurately precede me, this is completely true.

Failing, while not a comfortable event that we wake up each morning hoping we’ll have, is a very good thing. Here’s why.

1) When we fail, it shows us what doesn’t work. That sounds like a platitude but it’s not. If you’re busy pursuing your dream and you fall flat on your face, there’s no doubt in your mind that what you’ve been doing will not net you success. That’s a GREAT thing. You can now cross that off your list of things to try. It narrows the playing field. It points you closer to the direction that will cause you to succeed.

2) It ignites your tenacity. As I’m writing this, I’m watching the women’s college softball super regional tournament. The winners go to the world series next week. The teams play the best of three games. Georgia lost the first one yesterday. They came out with a new commit. Their throws are sharper. Their concentration is solid. And, they’re winning. They played good yesterday. You don’t get to the super regionals by playing mediocre. No, they’re a great team but when they failed in yesterday’s game, it caused something incredible to rise up within them that champions are made of.

3) Failing keeps us humble. One of the worst mistakes an entrepreneur, writer, CEO, department manager or anyone else can make when they are successful at something is to become arrogant. When we approach our dream from a point of humility, we are more mindful of how hard we need to work. It keeps our nose to the grind and our creativity flowing. Great things can happen when we are humble, hard-working and creative.

My greatest successes of my life have occurred on the tail end of the most agonizing defeats. I’m so grateful for them. Unfortunately, I meet and work with clients often who were pursuing their life-long dream, experienced failure, and abandoned their dream altogether. How tragic!

Think of your dream as coin, perhaps a large solid gold piece. It has immense value and worth. That coin also has two sides to it, heads and tails. It is both sides of that gold piece that makes it hold its value. Your dream is exactly the same. One side of your coin is succeeding and the other is failing. They are two sides to the same coin and cannot be separated. It takes both sides to make it the valuable tender it is.

When you try and fail, you are already ahead of everyone who never tried. That’s not a bad position to be at all, is it?!

Today’s challenge:Write down the most recent time you tried something and failed. Then write down ways in which that failing is valuable to living your dream.

Did you try something and failed? How did that make you feel? Did you overcome that? Share here by leaving a comment. 

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Someone Purchased Your Dream

Posted May 28, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Freedigitalphotos.net/ Chuck Felix

Today, while most Americans are spending time with friends and family celebrating a three day weekend, I can’t help but remember the real reason for Memorial Day. Throughout the history of our great nation, men and women have given their lives for the purpose of freedom.

History is filled with stories of young boys who lied about their age so they could take up arms and fight for the cause. Women shaved their heads and pretended to be men before women were allowed to be in the armed forces.  Brothers fought side by side for liberty and justice.

Even today, our men and women who pledge to defend our freedom stand of foreign soil defending the helpless, battling enemies and, all too often, paying the ultimate price with their own blood.

Today I live my dream of encouraging others, helping them to discover the dream inside them, and guiding through the process of pursuing that’s important to them. As I write this, I’m sitting on my lake in silent solace. The only feathers that are being ruffled are those of the great blue heron as the strong wind from the tropical storm swirls around us.

I drink in the freedom I have to sit in safety and peace. To write this blog post that will go out to the world sharing my heart. I feel the full impact of my freedom of entrepreneurship, knowing full well so much of the world does not have that luxury.

I’m compelled forward with my dream knowing thousands of brave soldiers purchased my freedom with their own lives. They shed blood so that I can live my dream. I vow that I will give it my all, so that they have not died in vain.

 Let freedom ring in our nation. Let freedom rise up from within our hearts and propel us forward, toward our dreams. The right to do so has been purchased. It’s yours to pursue. May today remind us all to live while life is with us and to press on toward the mark and the prize of the high calling. Live your dream while life is with you. Freedom isn’t free.

 Today’s Challenge: Take some time between the beach and backyard barbeque to identify what freedom really means to you. Write down the dream you’ve been wanting to pursue and make a written vow to the solders lost that you will pursue it.

What is your dream? Have you begun living it? If not, why not? Take a step. Write it here. Tell the world you will not allow lives to be lost in vain.

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What’s it Worth To You?

Posted May 25, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Freedigitalphotos.com/ George Stojkovic

In the Central Florida area we have a cable company that has it’s own news channel. They tout, “All Local, All The Time.” So it seemed a bit odd this morning that, while I was getting ready for work, they aired a story about Kansas. Orlando certainly isn’t in Kansas but as I stared at the screen, I realized why.

It was just an average outdoor Midwest wedding. She was wearing a veil and he a Stetson. They stood facing one another as the minister told everyone, “We are gathered here today…” as if they didn’t know. But suddenly, their wedding was going to take on a unique quality, and there was nothing they could do to stop it.

Behind the minister in the distance, a tornado descended out of a thunder cloud, forming a stormy backdrop for the momentous occasion. Seeing the tornado swirling across the horizon, the wise couple did what anyone would do in that circumstance. Ok, maybe not. They went right on with their wedding, completely undeterred by the cyclone.

They said “I do” and sealed the deal with a kiss, all the while keeping one eye on the swirly storm that threatened to pick up their nuptials and plop them down in the land of yellow brick roads and wizards.

You may think that’s crazy or that they had their priorities misplaced. You may wonder why I even brought it up. Here’s the thing. This couple was so deeply committed to each other, they weren’t about to let even tornados stop them from living their dream.

Here’s what I learned from them that you can apply to your life dream today:

1)  Storms may be in the area, but that doesn’t mean you should stop your plans to move forward. It may not hit even remotely close to you.

2)  If the storm is going to hit, it sure is easier to face while living their dream. They would have survived that tornado if it had come right over their storm cellar.

3)  It’s very important to say “I do” to your dream before the storm hits. That way you’re on the same team.

I’m glad my “All local, all the time” news station told this story from Kansas this morning. Know why? Because I you may be faced with storms looming on your horizons at any given moment today. Your first instinct is to abandon your dream run for cover. But, as Mr. and Mrs. Storm taught us, it is entirely possible to move forward with life-changing plans in spite of the storm. They did it. So can you.

This Weekend’s Challenge: Look at the storm in your life that threatens your dream and see it for what it is… as storm that most likely won’t hit.

Do you look over the horizon of your dream only to see cyclones swirling around? Do thoughts about what could go wrong make you want to run for cover? Why not share it here. I look forward to reading your comments.

 

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Build a Platform, Get Noticed in a Noisy World

Posted May 23, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Let’s face it. We live in a very, very noisy world. Perhaps you have an entrepreneur’s spirit and have a dream of being successful in your own business. Bravo for you! That’s quite an adventure. I’m proud of you.

You may have Googled business coaches and scoured websites for information on how to build that winning self-owned masterpiece. At some point you may have heard you need to build a platform. Ok… umm… right. You’ll get right to that, right?

You really don’t know what a platform is or how to build one. Platforms don’t come in a box with easy-to-read instructions. So you’ve gone out into the screaming world and join the ranks of the others who stand on the virtual street corner shouting out your wares at bargain prices.

That’s not you. Nor is it what you want to accomplish. But you just don’t know how to build your platform, that authentic message you have to give the world. There has never been a step-by-step instruction on how to build your platform… until now.

I’m so excited today to announce the release of Michael Hyatt’s new book, Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World.

 

Michael Hyatt's New Release

Michael Hyatt is the former CEO and current Chairman of the Board of Thomas Nelson Publishers. No matter what your business or your goals, success depends on your platform. And Michael simplifies the process with this step-by-step guide.

Michael is a brilliant man of integrity and I trust him to bring us the best and most honest approach to establishing and building your platform. And he has made it easy for us to follow and put into practice.

He draws on his decades of wisdom gained from helping authors get noticed through building a platform. He is an entrepreneur, blogger, speaker and really incredible teacher. If you don’t read another book this year, please do yourself a favor and read this one.

Today’s Challenge: Take time for introspection and determine what your message to the world is. Write it down and commit to building your platform around that message.

Do you have something to sell? Something to say? A message to get out to the world? Why not share it here. You can start building your platform right now by leaving a comment here.

 

 

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Out of the Abundance of the Heart

Posted May 22, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Last November, I had the privilege of attending the first book launch of debut Christian Fiction author Lisa Jordan. The drive from the airport in Buffalo, NY through the hills of rural Pennsylvania was breathtaking. When I pulled into small town, PA, though I’d never been there before, I felt strangely comfortable, like I was coming home.

I drank in fall colors and each street I turned down was a Norman Rockwell painting of absolute splendor. I suddenly was homesick for yesteryear, in the town of tradition, where people live in tranquility.

The next day, Lisa was so gracious as she signed copy after copy of her new book to new fans who waited in line. Finally, the last book was signed, the final photo was taken and the room went dark. Lisa had completed the first of what I’m sure will be many book launch celebrations.

Author Lisa Jordan

With that behind us, I set out alone to explore this precious town. I found a path that ran along the river as it snaked through town. It was covered in bright yellow hickory leaves. Roots protruded like mountains above a yellow fog.

I rounded a bend and froze. There it was. Less than a mile from Lisa’s house was the cover of her book! Lakeside Reunion had come to life right around the corner. She didn’t know it. She had no idea that scene was there. The cover designers at the publishers didn’t either. But right there in Lisa’s hometown sat the essence of her heart, and her novel.

Photo I Took

 

The cover designers heard the cry of her heart that issued forth from each page of her novel. They created a picture of Lisa’s heart and perfectly captured who she is and what her book is all about. And they don’t even know her.

Why am I telling you this story? Because Lisa is authentic. No matter where you come into contact with her, you meet the same person. Her books are authentic as well. She writes from her heart and it comes out in every scene, each chapter and all her books.

If you live your life like Lisa Jordan, you’ll show up authentic each and every day. You’ll live your life

Cover of Lakeside Reunion Published by Love Inspired

from the heart and it will spill out over the pages of your life with honesty and integrity. Everything you touch will be totally and completely YOU. It happens automatically. You don’t have to work at it. It’s already in your heart and out of the abundance of your heart the world will be graced with your beauty.

I’m very proud of my friend, Lisa Jordan, and her career as a Christian Romance Author. I’m even more proud that she is authentic, so much so that cover artists thousands of miles away can hear the cry of her heart and create a scene that is in her own back yard without her even knowing.

Do you show up authentic every day? Do you allow the world to hear the cry of your heart? Leave a comment here, and be entered to win a free copy of Lisa Jordan’s debut novel, Lakeside Reunion. 

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Trust in the Nature of You

Posted May 21, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

The Friends in My Back Yard

This morning I sat on my deck overlooking the lake as central Florida woke up to a Sunday. I watched as a lily white whooping crane spread his massive wings, fly out over the water and bring back a little fish. It was comical how it slithered down his narrow throat.

A white ibis rooted out grub worms with his long, slender bill while a young squirrel hung to an oak tree enjoying his morning acorns. In the distance, a black cormorant walked to the shoreline underwater, then spread his massive black wings in the sun to dry. I was struck at how naturally these creatures just did what they do. No fretting. No worrying about whether they should do it. No wondering what the other would think.

Acorns: the Breakfast of Champions

Each approached life very differently. The crane flew for food and ate fish. The white ibis dug deep for earth worms. And the squirrel stayed up in the tree and fed off nuts. Yet they were all at peace. They lived and did their thing cohabiting with each other. The squirrel never tried to fly and the crane did not try to pluck acorns out of the oak tree.

I began to wonder what the world would be like if we all lived our lives this way. How much peace would you have in your life right now if you just did what you were created to do? What if you got up on a Sunday morning and just accepted who you are and go about your day doing what feels natural to you?

I believe that is the natural order of things. How God created us. Just like my feathered friends, we have a distinctive purpose. What’s more, we instinctively know what we are supposed to do and how we are to do it. Problem is, we’re watching the squirrels eat nuts when we’re supposed to be grabbing fish from under the surface of the water on the fly.

As you begin a week, I urge you to be who you are. Do what you were created to do. Don’t worry that you can’t walk underwater like the cormorant. Be the best YOU that you can be.

This week’s challenge: Take the time to identify where your place is in this world and who you were created to be. If you’re not living that, determine why and commit to taking your rightful place.

So what do you think your natural self looks like? Tell me about the authentic YOU. When you enter a new day, do you show up completely authentically you? Why not share it here!

 

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The Big Blowout

Posted May 19, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Last weekend I took my bicycle out for a long ride in the country. The weather was pristine…ok, so it was in the upper 90’s (105 with the heat index) on the road but the sun was shining and I was riding. What could be better?! I climbed a tall bridge and pumped my hardest in my highest gear down the other side. 52mph! The wind gushing through my helmet drowned out the pounding of my heart as I streaked through the countryside.

About fifteen miles into my ride I began feeling a bump in my back tire. For those of you who don’t ride a bike, that’s NOT good. I stopped and inspected my back tire. Sure enough I found a large bubble protruded. Pushing back the visions of a blowout while I was careening down the bridge at break neck speed a few miles back, I assessed my options. When I’m touring I take extra tires, but not when I’m out for a weekend ride.

 I had no choice but to cut my trip short and head for the barn. Fast! Carefully maneuvering to avoid obvious bumps in the road, I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. About five miles from home I was in heavy traffic. A truck passed me, suddenly changing the air pressure. Then it happened. The BIG BANG!! My tire blew. The driver of the truck thought I shot at him. Not that I wasn’t thinking about it… after all, he didn’t give me the mandatory three foot minimum berth required by Florida law. I’d just left my bazooka at home!

I inspected the tire again. A two inch gaping hole stared back at me. Again, a seemingly hopeless situation. No way I could patch it enough to hold air. It was a long walk home in the heat of the day. I could call someone but it would take longer for them to find me than it would have to walk on “Shanks Pony”. So I decided to hoof it. I also decided to make the best of the situation. Even though I was wearing cycling sandals rather than running shoes, I decided to run home. With bicycle in tow, I jogged the five miles and made it home in time to watch the game on ESPN.

During the run, I began thinking about you. You have the ability to avoid the obvious bumps in the road and carefully navigate through that. But when in get in heavy traffic, that’s when the pressures can suddenly and drastically change, resulting in a major BLOW OUT!

When that happens, it may appear hopeless for you. What’s more, those around you feel the same way. I can’t tell you how many people stopped and told me I was in a hopeless situation. It became comical. I wanted to know if they had a pool going of when I’d give up so I could place a bet on myself!

What got me safely and eventually home was that I kept going…continued moving forward. So I had to push my crippled Waterford touring bike rather than ride it. So I sweated. So I had to run in sandals rather than my Brooks running shoes. The point is I kept moving forward and made it to my goal.

I never once thought I was stuck. I just figured out a way to make it work and to make the best of the situation. To make it fun. To make it work for me. You can do the same thing. You can figure out a way to make the best of an otherwise crazy situation and let the ending bring you joy, peace and success.

Weekend Challenge: Think of the last time you had a major blow out and explore ways you could have made it work out in your favor.

Are you facing a big blow out in your life? Why not share it here. 

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Follow Your Heart… Wherever it Leads

Posted May 17, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Evgeni Dinev/ freedigitalphotos.net

Deep within the secret places in our hearts lies a dream just waiting to be lived. It hides in the dark corridors of what might have been. Our days are filled with all sorts of other things that ultimately will be forgotten as the unimportant things they are.

We are led by our to-do list and schedules rather than our heart. We’re busy and put off living our dream for just one more day… then another and another until we reach the end and look back over our life with regrets.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. You have the power to follow your heart. Today you can make the decision to pursue that destiny that has been illusive all these years. Though it might not seem that way, you are in total control of how you spend your days.

I know you’re thinking, “I don’t have control over hurricanes or tornados. I can’t prevent my body from getting sick.” True enough. I’ll give you that one, but that being said, you have total control over what you do with the hurricane is imminent. You can throw a hurricane party on the beach or you can head to the mountains. If you get sick, you can choose treatment or not. It’s up to you.

Those dreams in your heart are powerful. What’s more, they will help the world be a better place. If you pursue your dreams, one of two things will happen:

1)   You will achieve them and live a life that is completely fulfilled and without regret.

2)   While you are on the journey, God will lead you in a different, equally as fulfilling direction.

Either way, you can’t lose if you follow your heart. Here are the top three reasons people do not follow their hearts, as well as the reasons why you absolutely should:

Fear. They are afraid of the unknown. They don’t know what lies ahead because they’ve never been there. If you are afraid to follow your heart, please understand that fear is good. It’s designed by God to get you physically prepared to handle the challenges that lie ahead. It will subside when the steps of the staircase can be seen.

Negative Influence. This usually comes from an external source and has a powerful grip. Friends and loved ones have a different idea about how you should be spending your life and they hound you until you obediently comply. But here’s the truth. It’s YOUR life, not theirs. They only have control over their own lives. When all is said and done, you’ll only be happy if you have lived your life on your own terms.

Immortality Syndrome. I call it that because people tend to think there will always be enough time to do what they really want to do. They ignore the fact that they were born with a finite number of days here on planet earth and when they are lived, it’s over. You can act now with a sense of urgency about your dream. Do it now. If not now, then when? Tomorrow? Are you sure?

Following your heart won’t be easy but it will be fulfilling. You’ll be at peace even in the midst of the trials and challenges you’ll face. You owe it to yourself and the world to follow your heart. Let it plot out your course.

Today’s Challenge: Listen to your heart without any constraints or filters and write down what it tells you regarding your life and purpose.

Do you hear your heart telling you to go in a particular direction? Does that frighten you? Share it here.

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