Archive for August, 2012

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Killing Time; a Dangerous Pursuit

Posted August 30, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/ Lobster 20

I grew up in a slower time. Summers seem to stretch on forever. My friends and I would go down to the creek on a lazy Sunday afternoon. We’d skip rocks across the water, swing from a rope, splash into the deep end, and dry off in the sunshine while gazing at clouds. When I got home and was asked what I’d been doing, my answer was always, “killing time.”

Today is a much different world. I have gray hair and a few extra pounds. I’d injure myself if I swung on that rope and there is absolutely not a single second to, ummm, “kill”.

With every passing day I’m reminded of what a gift life is and how my days are numbered. Even if I live to be a hundred, I’m on the down slope. When I was young, I really thought life was forever. I was invincible. Immortal. Today I know that I’m not even guaranteed tomorrow.

Being faced with that truth, I learned a few things I’d like to share:

1)   You must live while life is with you. You never know when you’ll draw your last breath. At that point, it’s too late.

 2)   You’re not in a dress rehearsal. This is your one shot at life. Spend it wisely.

 3)   Pursue your dreams. When you do that, you will have a life with no regrets.

4)   Never neglect saying “I love you” to those you care about. Don’t let a conversation end without them knowing how you feel. That could be your last chance.

 5)   Forgive. Harboring ill feelings against anyone—regardless of the wrong—kills your time, not theirs. It’s not worth holding a grudge.

 6)   Laugh at yourself. You’re really hysterically funny if you take the time to watch the comedy of errors you have in life. And, laughter does good like a medicine.

7)   Take time to reflect. You’ve come a long way and it’s been a terrific journey. The joy is in the journey, not the destination.

8)   Decide to be happy. Yes, it’s a choice. You are in complete control of whether or not you will be happy. Not circumstance.

 9)   Let go. You’ll not get where you want to go if you don’t let go of where you are. Release it and grab hold of your dream.

10) Have a plan. Let’s face it. With very limited number of days, hours and minutes, would you really want to spend them wandering around without a clear direction?

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/ dan

During the days I have left on this earth, I plan to spend them helping as many people as possible live their dreams. Do you know what you’ll do?

What will you do tomorrow? Share it here.

 

 

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Life is Like a Hurricane

Posted August 28, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/ Victor Habbick

As you may know, Floridians just went through preparing for and waiting out Hurricane Isaac. Since I’ve lived in Florida for over 40 years, I’ve learned a lot over those decades, wisdom that I’ve carried over into my personal goals. Here are a few.

You have to plan, plan, plan. I know that may sound remedial but you wouldn’t believe how many are caught unaware when a storm hits.

Sometimes the planning seems unnecessary. My batteries, bottled water and candles are packed and ready, but remain untouched through this hurricane. But now I have the benefit of hindsight. I didn’t at the time I had to plan.

You only have a window to plan. Once the storm is upon you, it is impossible to plan. You can only react. It’s no fun to dodge bullets when you didn’t think load your own gun.

Sometimes you plan and wait. Waiting is the hardest part. You’re ready for anything and yet, you’re experiencing nothing. But something is always happening. You may not feel it just yet, but it’s there, churning away. It will get there.

Cleaning up the mess is very hard. It is many times more backbreaking to clean up a mess that the storm left in its wake. If you’re going to have storms, you better prepare to clean up after it.

You shouldn’t go at it alone. Even if you are as independent as I am, you should never ride out the storms in your life flying solo. It’s a recipe for disaster. You need others. And, they need you just as much. Even if you can gut it out, they may not be able to so don’t deprive them of you.

Apathy is deadly. Just as quickly as a tropical hurricane pelts the life out of someone who dared to stay and did not prepare, apathy will destroy your hopes and dreams. You have to make a plan, take action on that plan and take your life storms seriously.

Your life, goals and dreams are much like September in Florida. You can not only survive but thrive in the midst of storms. You just have to stay ahead of it.

Are you prepared?

How do you deal with the storms in your life? Leave a comment. I’d love to hear from you.

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Hating the Taste of the Elephant

Posted August 24, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/ Africa

I’ve never been one for pat answers. You know, those infamous proclamations others make when you’re going through a particularly difficult challenge:

What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.

There’s always a silver lining behind each cloud.

The way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.

 

Well, that’s just lovely, except for one rather large problem. The elephant tastes horrible! I can’t swallow even the first bite. How can anyone expect me to eat that entire tough-hide, floppy eared mammal?!

We all have those beliefs that are engrained within us. The problem is that acting on those beliefs can take us where we don’t want to go. The statement, “The way to eat an elephant is by taking one bite at a time,” presupposed that we wanted to eat the elephant in the first place and you just need coaching on how to digest the truth.

And yet, day after day we blindly sit down at the elephant, bite off a chunk and start chewing. It turns our stomachs but we keep chomping away at our goal of stripping that bad boy down to the bone.

It’s high time you and I look at what we do and ask why. Why do we try to eat the elephant? Why would we even want to? Why should we?

Here are some facts about that darn elephant:

  1. When you’ve filled your belly with that rotten tasting junk, you’ll become a blubbering fool. J
  2. If you don’t like what’s been dished up to you, any bite you tear off is more than you should chew.
  3. Even when you gnaw him down to the bare bones, he still takes up too much space in your life.
  4. The only thing of value (the ivory tusks) is off limits. Just as it’s illegal to harvest them, you won’t like the consequences of even the most positive parts about eating that elephant.

 

We have to get over the idea that if an elephant presents itself, we are required to eat it. Nope. Don’t gotta. If you’re going to spend much of your career and life chewing on something, it better be something like popcorn or ice cream! Know what I mean?

There are literally millions of people who are eating those elephants every day and hate it. If that’s you, STOP EATING IT! My elephant was working in Corporate America. My career canines sliced through and I chewed on it every day. All it did for me was leave a very bad taste in my mouth.

I don’t eat elephants anymore. Do you?

What’s the elephant in your life? Do you like the taste?Leave a comment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Pigeon and the Statue

Posted August 23, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

After decades of being a student of life and history, I’ve come to realize one truth:

Some days you’re the pigeon and some days you’re the statue.

 There are days when you fly high above everyone else and can just dump everything that stinks onto some bronze lump that’s stuck on the ground. Other days you are stuck in on place, unable to move, and get dumped on.

What’s worse, you can alternate roles with each of those several times throughout any given day. Let’s take a look at the good, the bad… and yes, even the ugly.

The Pigeon

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/ Domdeen

  • Pigeon soar above it all. They also are eaten by bigger birds, get hit by airplanes get burned in chimney smoke.
  • Pigeons are fed by people in the park. They also can be plucked to death by their siblings for that last piece of bread.
  • Pigeons have a great sense of direction. They also will freeze rather than changing direction, even if it’s for their own good.
  • Pigeons are very strong. They also are a dingy gray.

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/ Tom Curtis

The Statue

  • Statues are dumped and it really stinks. Yet they remain unmoved.
  • Statues get tarnished by the climate they are in. And yet, they remain unmoved.
  • Statues erode as centuries pass. Any yet, what’s left remains unmoved.
  • Statues get overlooked and ignored. And yet, while everyone around them scurries frantically, they remain unmoved.

So tell me, which would you rather be, the pigeon or the statue? As for me and myself, I’d rather be a statue.

What about you? Which would you rather be?

 

 

 

 

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Three Bridges

Posted August 22, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Shortly after I graduated from high school, I found myself stranded in my Ford Pinto (yes, I said Pinto. Candy Apple Red 4 speed hatchback) on top of a bridge when a semi tried to go between two cars on a two lane bridge.

Back then, law required you leave your vehicles where they were until police arrived on the scene. I knew I wasn’t’ going anywhere for a while so I got out of my car and hopped up on the hood. Suddenly the bridge began to shake from a vehicle passing on the other side. At that moment in the mid 1970’s, I began learning about bridges.

Today I know a lot about them… at least metaphorically. We all have various types of bridges in our lives. What we do with them determines what direction we’ll head and how easily we’ll get to where we’re going.

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/ Prosac1

Burning Bridges.My grandmamma told me once that if I was gonna burn bridges, I better learn how to swim. Well, while she was

right, life has taught me that some bridges need to be burned. There were ties that needed to be severed. They held me back, negatively reinforced me and blocked me from being able to reach my goals and live my dreams. Burning those bridges was a healthy thing.

 

Crossing Bridges.Our natural human tendency is to go back rather than forward. Why? It’s familiar. We tend to find sure footing on

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/ lkunl

the ground we’ve trod before. Seeing the people, places and environment we came from gives us a sense of serenity. There’s just one

problem. We cannot go backward and forward at the same time. In fact, we really can’t go back at all. When we get there, you and it have changed so much, it’s never the same.

 

Building Bridges. This screams progress, excitement and forward motion. It may take time and even be dangerous at times but it keeps you moving in the only legitimate direction you can go: forward. Toward your dream and making it come true.

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/ Sura Nualpradid

You always have the choice of what to do with the bridges in your life. You may not be in control of things that happen in your life, but you have full control over how you respond to the bridges.

I’ve learned a lot since I discovered the hard way that bridges sway in the 70’s. Over the long haul, I’ve decided to be a bridge builder… someone who is continually moving forward and willing to do the hard work it takes to build bridges. What about you?

Today’s Challenge: Take time to determine what you are doing with the bridges that are in your life right now. Is it healthy?

What are the bridges in your life? How do you treat them? Leave a comment.

 

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How’s Your Vision?

Posted August 21, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/ Dan

I’ve worn glasses or contacts since third grade. Interesting thing is that I can clearly see a mile without my glasses. The doctor said I’m farsighted. And color blind. I didn’t know what that meant so I became a student of eyesight at a young age.

Turns out we suffer from the same vision problems when it comes to our dreams. Let’s take a look at some of them.

Nearsightedness: When you are so focused on the immediate that you cannot see the length of your vision. None of us can really see that far into the future so you’re in good company.

Farsightedness: You can see close up and far away but you have challenges focusing on the task at hand. You would rather cast your vision out into the future. It’s much easier for you to stare into the distance than to what’s right in front of you.

Presbyopia: Your vision has become brittle, making you less flexible. The result is inability to see what’s happening right in front of your nose. You push your responsibilities farther and farther away, trying to improve your focus.

Astigmatism: The way you see your vision is distorted because your emotional eyes are misshapen. Things aren’t clear to you and, unless corrected, will remain blurry. This prevents you from accomplishing many of the things your vision would dictate.

Cataract: Because of the age of your vision, things begin to cloud over. This makes it increasingly difficult to see your dream. If left untreated, you eventually will be completely blinded to the vision of your dream.

The health of our eyes plays a huge role in our happiness and ability to function. It is rare these days to see someone who has not had some sort of correction of their vision by surgery, contact lenses or glasses. Using these technologies, people see clearly.

Your dream vision also can also be improved, corrected and saved by getting the help you need to improve your vision. Once you do, you’ll see things with clarity like you’ve never seen your world before. When you see things so clearly, it will open up a whole new world for you.

Today’s Challenge: Take a look at your dream vision and determine where you have trouble focusing. Determine what you can do to correct that part of your vision and record it in a journal.

How’s your dream vision? What needs to be corrected?

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The Real Comfort Zone

Posted August 20, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/ adamr

One of the most powerful negative forces in our lives is our resistance to getting out of our comfort zones. I’ve refused it. I’ll bet you have too. You settle into what’s familiar, safe and routine. The trouble is you’re not going anywhere.

I was the world’s best defender of the comfort zone until I realized the truth. Once I did, I propelled myself outside my comfort zone with every opportunity that presented itself. Here’s what I learned.

It’s not really your comfort zone. The good, safe feeling is only temporary. Just as with everything else in life, that feeling of comfort will leave at some point.

Getting out of your comfort zone creates a better one. By letting go and reaching out, you embrace a new and improved place that you will soon claim as your own.

Your present comfort zone was once a place of unrest and apprehension for you. Seriously. But once the fear of your first time passed, day by day you became comfortable and you do everything to stay in your zone. Just as you learned to be comfortable where you are, you can also learn to be comfortable in a better place.

You cannot avoid your first time. If you want anything more in life than you currently possess—and you should—you will have a string of first times. It’s unavoidable, but it’s rarely fatal. It may feel like you are going to croak when you’re shaking in your new place boots, but it will pass. I promise.

Your comfort zone is really like a drug. It numbs you and keeps you locked inside it’s seemingly protective fortress. Sometimes you have to look really closely to see its bars. Yes, your comfort zone is like a prison and you are doing time. The only difference between you and the death row inmate—well, besides the fact that you didn’t murder anyone—is that YOU have the key to unlock the door and set yourself free.

You’re worth it. You deserve it. Don’t let your comfort zone be your prison cell. Set yourself free. Venture out into a whole new, albeit unknown world. You’ll find a new and much more exciting comfort zone!

Today’s Challenge: Identify what your comfort zone is and why you have it. Now write your dream of where you want to go. Write them in a journal.

What’s your comfort zone? Leave a comment.

 

 

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Least Likely, It’s Not What it Used to Be

Posted August 16, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

I recently watched a rerun of the Ironman Triathlon World Championship in Hawaii. This event is the most grueling test of human toughness. It’s painful. It’s agonizing. In some cases, it’s fatal. But when the athlete finally crosses the finish line, the pain is forgotten as they bask in the glory of having accomplished something most humans will never even attempt.

The Ironman World Championship in Hawaii consists of a 2.4 mile swim, followed by a 112 mile bike ride and a 26.2 mile marathon run. All competitors must complete all 3 events within 17 hours. Sound impossible? Well, believe it or not, there are far more athletes who have completed the Ironman than who abandoned it! Amazing!!

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/ Digitalart

In the event I viewed, the oldest women ever in the history of the Ironman started the race. At 76 years old, Sister Madonna Buder lined up with the most elite endurance athletes in the world for a shot at conquering the Everest of triathlons. The gun signaled the start of the race and off she waddled. She barely made a splash as she worked her way through the water.

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/ Wandee007

Sixteen Hours, fifty-nine minutes and three seconds later, Sister Buder crossed the finish line as the last official finisher of the Ironman World Championship! She remains the oldest woman to ever start AND the oldest to finish the race of all races!

Throughout the race, she passed men and women who could not continue. They looked like the best trained athletes in the world. Perfect physique. They had the very best equipment on the planet and yet they could not complete. Buder had none of these things. All she had was a dream of crossing the finish line before the race closed.  And you know what? She did it! With 57 seconds to spare!!!

To this day Sister Buder shares two distinctive titles:

1)  The Least Likely to Succeed

2)  The Oldest Woman Ever to Finish the Ironman World Championship

You see, least likely is not what it used to be. Experts could see outwardly the wrinkles and muscle atrophy. They could see her simple equipment and even have a good laugh but what they could not measure was what was inside her. She had a will to succeed that propelled her forward to overcome impossible odds and cross the finish line, just in the nick of time.

Me Crossing the Finish Line at the Iron Girl

If you have a dream—and you should—don’t let anyone try to tell you that it’s too far-fetched or impossible. Impossible is relative. People like Sister Buder do the impossible every day. Just put one foot in front of the other step after step. You’ll finish.

In the end, whether you cross the finish line 1st or last, finishing the race will put you among the ranks of the elite in the world!

Today’s Challenge:Identify your personal race and what you need to do in order to finish it. Record it in a journal.

What are you “least likely” in? Share it here.

 

 

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Finding Your Sweet Spot

Posted August 15, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net/ PinkBlue

 

I’ve taken that concept into every area of my life because, after all, everything has a sweet spot. Here are a few things I learned about the sweet spot from a tennis racket.

It’s in the center. If you connect with your goals anywhere else, it’s liable to go anywhere. You’ll most likely lose the point.

It’s the strongest place. The sweet spot on a tennis racket gives you the strength and tightness of every string. Your sweet spot does the same for you.

It has to be a direct hit. A ball glancing off the sweet spot will not have the same impact or control as a direct hit. Your sweet spot should also be aimed directly toward those things that are coming at you.

Timing is everything. A late swing, even if it hits the sweet spot, will send the ball out of bounds. You must be on time with your own efforts to get the most out of your sweet spot.

It results in a win. In those matches when my timing was right and I connected with my sweet spot, I was unstoppable. Undefeated. A champion! In your life, the more you work in your sweet spot, the more victorious you will be.

Your sweet spot is unique and only you know exactly where that is. But, the whole world will know when you’ve found it. Every shot you hit puts your opponent on their heels. No matter what life fires at you, you’ll be able to volley it back across by hitting it head on with your sweet spot.

It really is amazing. It feels good. It makes you a winner, and victory is oh so sweet!

Today’s Challenge: Take time to find your own sweet spot and record it in a journal.

Do you know where your sweet spot is? Share it here.

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The Feel of a Great Book!

Posted August 14, 2012 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

Saturday I woke up early, finished my chores and perused the stacks of unread books in my home library. I have 283 electronic books on my Kindle. I’m sure they are all really good but I’m a moody reader.

Before the days of E-readers, I had to carry at least ten books with me on a weekend getaway because I never knew what reading mood I’d be in. Inevitably, I wound up finding a Barnes and Noble on my trip.

When e-readers allowed me to take hundreds of books in a gizmo the size of a small notebook, I just knew my problem was solved. No so. Don’t get me wrong. My Kindle keyboard edition and I are really good friends. I can read in the dark with the light from my cover. I have endless genres and selections and if I can’t find what I’m looking for, I can just buy one and start reading without leaving my recliner chair. Still…

Yesterday afternoon, I was itching for a really good story. The one I’d started the night before left me yawning, and not from the lateness of the hour. I flipped through my Kindle. Nothing. I looked through my shelves of leadership books, my business books. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Finally, I pulled out a hardcover novel from one of my favorite authors. I knew I could count on a fast moving really good mystery.

I gazed out the doors to the lake and the cloudy sky offered hope that I might have a rare reprieve from the August heat. I grabbed my Diet Pepsi and my novel and headed for the deck.

Photo Courtesy of Freedigitalphotos.net/ Nuchylee

I jumped right into this novel that began with a woman being burned in a house fire. Truly not a scene to ease me into the book but since I like action, it was perfect. I turned page after glorious page. Two hundred pages later, I suddenly realized I’m been immersed in Southern Arizona for the past two hours.

I also realized I’d become entranced by the feel of the hardbound book as it rested on my legs and the smell of the pages as I turned each one. The texture of the pages had smoothed out the ridges in my fingertips. It was heaven.

Though I dearly love my Kindle, it will never take the place of paper and stitching, glue and ink that I have grown to love. When it finally grew too dark to see the pages of my book, I reluctantly retreated to my home once more, the setting sun having etched “The End” at the conclusion of a glorious afternoon on the lake… with my book.

Which do you prefer? Are you a bookie or a techie?

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